Scenes From My Recent Performance Reviews
By M.J. Anderson
Supervisor (Sandra): "I'm giving you a verbal warning about your attitude."
Me: "What did I do?"
S: "I've heard from several people that you have a bad attitude."
M: "Which people?"
S: "I can't tell you that."
M: "Well, what did they say I've done?"
S: "You exhibited a BAD ATTITUDE. Like you are doing now."
M: "Wait a minute. You can't tell me specifically what I've done, and you
can't tell me who said I had a bad attitude, but you can give me a warning
about it?"
S: "That's right. Consider yourself warned."
(We're not telling you what you did, or who said you did it, but don't do it
again.)
###
Supervisor (Teresa): "You exhibit negative body language in department
meetings."
Me: "In what way?"
T: "You always stand there with your arms folded."
M: "There's not enough room for all of us to meet in the conference room, so
we have to stand up for the entire meeting and lean against our cubicle
walls. Sometimes I fold my arms. Why is there something wrong with that?"
T: "It shows you're defensive. And you have an unpleasant expression on your
face."
M: "What?!"
T: "You never smile. You look bored and angry. It shows you're not being
cooperative."
(I'm forced to stand up for 2 hours in an overcrowded room, my feet are
sore, I have a headache and I'm bored out of my gourd -- and I'm not looking
HAPPY ENOUGH for you?)
###
Supervisor (Teresa): "You refused to do something you were asked to do. You
were supposed to train Tom, and you refused to do it."
Me: "I didn't refuse -- you asked if I would MIND, and I said I felt
uncomfortable training somebody to do this as his full-time job. I'm just a
part-time volunteer, and I felt the project manager should train him. When
you said 'Okay,' I thought the subject was closed."
T: "But you REFUSED."
M: "I said I felt UNCOMFORTABLE."
T: "What's the difference!"
###
Human Resources Director (right after I have tendered my resignation one bright
sunny morning): "Well, you just had to go and do it, didn't
you?"
Me: "Yes, I DID have to do it. This place is insane." (turning around to
leave his office)
HRD: "GET BACK IN HERE!"
M.J. Anderson works as an office manager in a 3-person
financial services office. She orders out for lunch, watches TV, e-mails her
friends and writes novels -- all while on the clock.
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