workingfortheman.com

As an investment advisor's office manager, I spend a lot of time fielding phone traffic. A necessary part of my job is finding out WHO is calling, TO WHOM he or she would like to speak, in regard to WHAT issue, and WHETHER this is a genuine emergency that only The Boss can handle or some low-level operation that I can take care of while simultaneously eating lunch and playing Free Cell. Clients, however, even cranky ones, are not nearly the problem that sales reps ("trollers") have become.

They're rude, they're unprofessional, they're uninformed (it's not my job to fill them in on what an investment advisory does) and worst of all, THEY'RE STUPID! Do they really think I am going to give out our fax number to every unidentified caller who requests it? Does it seem likely that I will unquestioningly hand them over to The Boss when they announce: "I need to speak to the owner of the business!" Do they think I will not be the TEENSIEST bit suspicious of someone arrives unbidden in our office and wants 5-10 minutes of time but claims that this is NOT a sales call?

I have received phone calls from sales reps who have been audibly eating lunch, drinking coffee, blowing their noses and burping. I've been visited by clueless reps who seemed to have NO idea how their products might benefit us. I have turned away unfulfilled short-timers who also wanted me to advise them about getting a job in the financial industry. I have endured grass-green hires who read haltingly from the sales script. Increasingly, I have gotten calls from people who seem to have only the barest grasp of English grammar and no discernable conception of sales technique whatsoever. "Yo, baby" is not likely to convince me I want what you're selling.

I was yelled at by one frustrated sales rep who said: "I don't believe your boss knows you're keeping me from talking with him!" Another, when I refused to call his incredible copier deal to The Boss's attention, said that I was jeopardizing the company because of my own ignorance. Several people with rejection issues have called me back just to hang up in my ear (and thanks to Caller ID, I know who you are).

I am presently being targeted by trollers from a major telecommunications company (yes, MCI-Worldcom, I am talking about YOU) who refuse to take no for an answer. They have called every morning, like clockwork, and by the time we'd gone through the rotation twice, I began to recognize them and chastise them by name. That was a mistake - now they think we're friends.

We do the Dance of Access, the trollers and I. They thrust, I parry. They dodge, I weave. They play word-games with me. They pretend to be old friends or colleagues, or long-lost relatives. They lie their heads off, trying to get me to fall for their increasingly-inventive stories, and when I refuse to tumble, they become combative.

Yesterday I got a call from a publisher's rep, who wanted us to subscribe to one of their millions of financial publications. Since The Boss doesn't subscribe to ANYTHING except The Wall Street Journal and Combat Handguns, I politely declined before the guy could get too far into his sales spiel. I hung up. The phone immediately rang again and here was the same persistent guy, who was now ballistic. He screamed that I had hung up on him and hadn't let him finish, and gave me a real earful about it. He was still spewing when I quietly replaced the receiver.

As I was telling The Boss about this, my phone rang again - Vengeance-Boy was back. The Boss picked up, listened for a moment and then said: "Stop harrassing my office manager, and don't ever call this number again."

I don't think that episode says much for my perceived authority on the telephone, but maybe if I subscribe to Combat Handguns, it will be easier for me to convince people like Vengeance-Boy to back off.

M.J. Anderson works as an office manager in a 3-person financial services office. She orders out for lunch, watches TV, e-mails her friends and writes novels -- all while on the clock. This is her third piece for Workingfortheman.com.

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