workingfortheman.com

My boss is going through a divorce.

His wife met someone on the internet and is leaving him. Initially I lent a sympathetic ear, but quickly realized that he was prone to revealing intimate details about himself that I would prefer to never, ever hear. Now I spend a lot of my day listening for his footsteps in the hallway, and carefully orchestrating ways to avoid having conversations with him. Here are some details of his personal life that I wish I could erase from my memory:

1) My boss is on an antidepressant, but it's cool though because he can still "get it up." Yes, he really said that to me. I wasn't really sure of an appropriate reply, so I said nothing.

2) My boss is a rampant internet dater and IM junkie. Ladies, beware of all internet dating services, trust me, PhotoShop can turn any frog into a prince.

3) My boss apparently has uncontrollable back hair and is looking for a salon to "sugar" it off. I saw him in a public pool once and I think this would be a good service for him to investigate.

4) My boss is on the Atkins Diet and complains that the low carb foods give him uncontrollable gas. I have been exposed to this rather unfortunate side effect on numerous occasions. I now have 4 Glade plug-ins in my 8x10 office.

5) My boss has had numerous affairs while married, and says his wife has too. She had one affair with another woman. I'm not sure why he chose to reveal that to me, nonetheless, he did, and it will forever be burned in my brain.

My only hope is that some type of budget shortfall will affect upper management personnel. Until then, I will continue to listen intently for his footsteps in the hallway and pretend to be on the phone as he walks by my door.

Mattie enjoys collecting a large paycheck from The Man for doing close to nothing, even though her daily commute is a bitch.

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