workingfortheman.com

I broke one of the Man's cardinal rules. I didn't give two weeks notice before I quit my job. I marched into the Man's office Monday morning and told him that Friday was my last day. I just could not stand the insanity anymore. Five more days at that hellhole was all I could handle, and even that would be pretty difficult to get through. I had gotten a job offer from the Woman and took it immediately. Here are some conversations heard 'round the office during my last week at the job from hell:

Two old guys who work for free two mornings a week came up to me on Thursday. (Envision the two old guys from the Muppets who made comments in the theatre, but imagine them less endearing.)
Old guy 1: We just heard the worst news! We heard that when we come in next Tuesday that you won't be here!
Me: Yep, tomorrow is my last day (huge smile on my face).
Old guy 2: I'm sorry!
Me: I'm not! (It came out of my mouth before I could come up with a more politically correct answer.)
Old guy 1 and 2 both laugh...

The accountant appears at my desk on Friday:
Accountant: Do you have some free time now? How would you like to meet your new replacement?
Me: Sure
A: (with panic in his voice) You've got to show me how you do the web page and the news releases!
Me: (laughs)

The office manager who I shall call Stone Age Barbie because she should've retired twenty years ago, yet somehow still has "blond" hair and also thinks that women shouldn't go to college because its a waste.
Stone Age Barbie: So does everyone know today is your last day?
Me: Yeah, I think so, I didn't make a formal announcement, but I'm pretty sure everyone knows.
SAB: Well, two week's notice sure would've been nice.
Me: Well, circumstances being what they are it just wasn't feasible.
SAB: I hope we didn't have anything to do with that.
Me: (Pause) Well, actually, yes, you did.

I had to endure another conversation with Stone Age Barbie as she was leaving at 4 in the afternoon on Friday. There was a package that the Chairman of Very Small Brain, Pooh, wanted to go out ASAP, but I'll be damned if I was gonna work my ass off and have someone else take credit for it after my departure!
Stone Age Barbie: Can you tell me why you didn't do anything with the package today?
Me: (I look incredulously at her) Because today is my last day and I had other things to take care of...
SAB: What other things?
Me: Teaching the accountant how to do the web page, news releases, and cleaning up my computer.
SAB: Well, there shouldn't be anything personal on the computer anyway. (This from the woman who had me download and print out floor plans of houses she was looking into purchasing AND spends 75% of her day talking on the phone to her children!)
Me: (I ignore her...)
SAB: I'm very disappointed in you.
Me: WHATEVER!!!!

Shortly afterwards I left for the last time and thanked my lucky stars that out of the forty percent of the employees at the company looking for a new job, I was the first to be able to leave.

L. Carlsson is a recent college grad with a useful History degree. She spends her days figuring out new excuses to be out of the office on sunny days. This is L. Carlsson's second story for workingfortheman.com

Back to the archives.

Return to the main page.