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My recent experiences in the job market have left me with the feeling that my interviewing skills could use a little brushing up. This morning the solution to my problem jumped out at me from a box on the street corner: a catalog from a prestigious continuing education institution. I'd rather not mention the name. Let's just say it's an annex where people go to do some learning.

I was looking for some quick improvement in my ability to interact with other humans, and I found a couple of offerings directly on point: "Power Interviewing" and "How to Have Employers Begging to Hire You."

But soon I realized my focus was too narrow. This institution doesn't just tinker with your interviewing style; it offers a holistic approach to changing your entire life. My first clue to this was when I started noticing eerie parallels between the "Business/Careers" section and the "Relationships/Intimacy" department:

• Power Interviewing — Power Dating
• How to Land Your Dream Job — How to Get What You Want in Bed
• Marketing Secrets — Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men

Now, I'm lucky enough not to need to do any Power Dating, but the point is how easy it is to improve any aspect of your life! It's all about getting what you want with minimal effort. Finding satisfaction at work and at home is only $39 away!

We all know people who are slackers and spent the first 35 years of their lives partying and goofing off. When these people realize that they are probably not all going to become president, they start looking for ways to make up lost ground. These courses are designed just for them.

These are classes for people who aren't into delayed gratification. Why waste years acquiring skills when you can take these easy shortcuts:

"Speak Spanish Fluently in Just 1-3 Weeks"

Well, I can't see frittering away three weeks just to learn a language. I think I'll go on down the hall to: "Speak French in Only 3 Hours!"

Here's a good way to jump-start your career: "How to Write a Book on ANYTHING in 3 Weeks...or Less." I love how they add that extra tag line "or less" for people who are thinking, "Well, I'd like to write a book, but I'm not sure I can free up three whole weeks for it."

Or if all that seems too troublesome and time-consuming, try this one-stop shop:

"How to Get All the Money, Success, Confidence and Love You'd Ever Want — IMMEDIATELY!"

I'm not sure I'm ready for all that at once. Maybe I should start with some basics:

"The Art of Becoming Conscious." Staying awake throughout the job interview makes a good impression on your potential employer!

"Stop Being Nice." So that's my problem!

Maybe I need a total personality makeover:

"How to Change Your Identity." This course offers a simple action plan on how to disappear and then start your life over as somebody completely new. The easy to follow steps include all the details on how to plan your disappearance, transform your physical appearance, and concoct a reasonable "history" for your new persona. Perfect! I've always wanted a second chance to try out for the high school football team. The odds are against me, of course, but such a move might just lead to a career in the NFL, where I won't need job interviewing skills at all.

Perhaps instead of learning how to interview for a job in my current field, I should think about a quick career change. These opportunities sound quite lucrative:

• "How to Become a Notary Public"
• "How to Make Your Own Soaps"
• "Learn Balloon Twisting for Fun and Profit"

And of course this one, which is part of the core curriculum at places like this:

"How to Become a $1000+ per day Seminar Leader." Presumably by leading seminars on how to become a $1000+ per day seminar leader.

Wait a minute! I've finally found the perfect course for me:

"Making a Living Without a Job"

I'm glad I've shared these insights with you. If I can save just one person from a life of unprofitable balloon twisting, it will be worth it.

John Hershey is a writer who writes about how to write about writing. He is available to lead $1000+ per day seminars on this topic. To read more humor, please visit his website: www.thehumors.com.

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