workingfortheman.com

I have been temping in New York City for about 6 months, and in that time, I have temped at numerous places. I live from paycheck to paycheck until I can become the famous actress that I moved here to become.

In my dealings with various companies, I have had encounters with people who occasionally believe they are allowed to talk down to me and treat me like a child. I go along with it because I need the money, but it doesn't stop me from exposing their stupidity to others. The following is just one of many encounters I have had with morons in the corporate world. It just so happens, I wrote it down that day and I am now passing it on to you.

Allow me to set this up for you. I was temping at a place I had never been before, and thank GOD it was only for one day. First of all, I had no computer access because they were rearranging the office floor, and almost nothing was set up. The lifeless computer just sat there on the desk, staring at me, taunting me, laughing at me with its little computer laugh (I know I heard it laughing), daring me to plug it in and find a phone line. Sadly, there was none to be found.

Second, the phone I did have didn't ring ALL DAY LONG. This was pretty annoying after a while considering I was sent to this company specifically to answer the phone.

Third, nobody came into the room I was stationed in. Normally, I don't mind because I am so busy surfing the net, printing out things that interest me on company paper, and checking my various emails about 100 times a day, but on this day, I felt like a criminal that was sentenced to solitary confinement for 9 hours, without food, water, or potty breaks. It was a little scary and I was actually craving human contact. This is very much against my nature. Corporate people annoy me.

Keep in mind that I have no idea who the people are that work at this company. I am just here to say "Hello, no one is available to help you at the moment because we are remodeling." Now, why they would pay me $18.00 an hour for 9 hours to say this instead of just recording an appropriate outgoing message on an answering machine is beyond me, but that's how these corporate places are. Idiots rule the world, and I just have to get used to it.

At any rate, somewhere between hour 7 and hour 8 the following exchange took place. I immediately wrote it in my job assignment book for lack of computer access to properly document the conversation. I don't know the guy's name, so I will just call him SJ (Stupid Jerk) and I will be ME (me). The subject of our conversation: Mr. R.

So, SJ comes into the room where I am chained to my stupid office chair, listening to my computer laugh at me, and watching the phone NOT ring. He then begins to speak to me.

SJ: When does Mr. R. usually get in?

ME: I'm not sure.

SJ: You're not sure?

ME: No.

SJ: You have no idea when Mr. R comes in?

ME: (Internally I am thinking: "How many ways can I say this." Externally, I have no idea, as I'm a temporary employee and I do not have that information.

SJ: You do KNOW who Mr. R is, don't you?

ME: (Pretending to be a little ditzy at this point because already the conversation is slightly amusing me) Umm, I am not sure. I am guessing he's the CEO. But he could be the CFO or maybe the CIO. Those titles and initials just get me so confused sometimes. But I think he's probably someone really important since you think I should know who he is. Is he the CEO? (With a bubbly, innocent smile) Did I guess right?

SJ: Did you GUESS right? Did you just ask me that? Well, he is in fact the CEO, and not only is he the Chief Executive Officer, in case you need to know what a CEO is, but he's also one of the most influential men in money today... Not only in New York, but in the WORLD!

ME: (I'm starting to become a little annoyed with his tone) Well, that's nice.

(SJ shakes his head in disbelief as if his internal dialogue is "How could this twit not know who Mr. R is." Then, he actually starts mumbling as he begins to walk away. )

SJ: She doesn't know who Mr. R is...Mumble, mumble, where do we get these people...Mumble...Inaudible mumbling...

ME: Now, who should I say you are, in case anyone asks?

SJ: (Looks at me, as if in shock.)

ME: Nevermind, I'm sure no one will ask.

SJ: What is that supposed to mean?

ME: It isn't supposed to mean anything. You are the only person who has been in this room all day, and I am sure you will probably be the last, so therefore, no one will ask for you. That's all I meant.

SJ: Oh. (He continues his mumbling as he leaves.)

ME: (Under my breath, barely audible) I can mumble too, you know. I don't care about Mr. R, and I don't care about you... Now scurry away you pesky, brown nosed employee from hell before I jump out of my chair and bite your weenie looking little head off. I don't like you, you mouth breathing mega-turd!

Andi is still a temp in NYC, who dreams of being famous. She answers phones, hangs up on rude people, and keeps an online diary while she's at work. No matter how hard she tries, she can't get fired because she's way too competent.

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