An Open Letter
to the Supplier
of the Vending Machine
From No_Key_Bandit
Dear Supplier,
The Constitution of the United States guarantees us
as American Citizens the rights to, "Life, liberty and
the pursuit of happiness." Lately that third right
has been somewhat unachievable for me, but I believe
you can help me with this issue. You may have seen or
heard of the movie "Super Size Me." This is a
documentary where filmmaker Morgan Spurlock eats at
McDonalds for 30 days. He then goes on to describe
the issues he has with declining health and an
expanding waistline. This movie, along with the
current trend to eat more low-carbohydrate foods, has
inspired me to live a more healthy lifestyle. Along
with exercise, I believe that a healthy diet is in
order to achieve this goal. This is where my issue
begins. There is no room in our refrigerator for my
low-fat, low-carb lunch. "How is this my problem" you
may ask? Allow me to illustrate.
Food safety is an important issue in our country.
Local and federal health departments have drafted
multi-step procedures for proper preparation of food.
These procedures must be strictly followed in order to
legally prepare food. While they may be somewhat
tedious, time-consuming and annoying, they have an
obvious purpose and a foreseeable end.
The same cannot be said for the procedure I go
through trying to get your machine to accept a
dollar-bill. Last week I decided to attempt to insert
bills (I had three) until your machine accepted one of
them. After 57 attempts, I gave-up. It
seems that the only way to enjoy a frosty Coke is to
either schlepp my sorry carcass up to the local
convenience store, or buy a six-pack at the grocery
store. Many of my co-workers have decided to take the
high-road and purchase a sixer from their local
grocery stores and store the colas in the
refrigerator; jamming the shelves, door and even the
freezer portion with their soda product of choice.
You may think I'm exaggerating, but I assure you, even
the crisper, butter tray and egg compartment are
chock-full-o-soda cans; leaving no room for anything else.
The drinks in your machine are reasonably priced and
are surprisingly lower in price than the identically-sized cola products sold in the nearby
convenience stores close to this building. This makes
it easy and convenient to purchase beverages sold in
your machine. Please fix, alter or replace the
dollar-bill changer. If not for me, do it for your
country and freedom!
No_Key_Bandit writes: I taped this letter to the vending machine in my office. A few patrons decided to add some comments in the blank space at the bottom, including "YOU SUCK COKE MAN!!!!!", "THIS MACHINE OWES ME A DOLLAR!!!", and "DRINK PEPSI!", before the letter was removed.
No_Key_Bandit is a Programmer/Analyst who has been oppressed by the man for almost 10 years. His cubicle is in the Southern United States. This is his fourth story for workingfortheman.com.
Also see:
The Hermanator
Project Lifecycle
The Strategic Planning Meeting
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