workingfortheman.com

I had a job once as a counselor at a women's crisis center. We'd get all kinds of calls from women, some of whom had totally crazy stories to tell us. They'd call about divorces, boyfriends that beat them up, having their kids taken away, and getting harassed at work. Yes, even before we had a president who couldn't keep his pants up around a woman with big hair, women did have problems with sexual harassment at work. Now that a president and his assignations are appropriate water cooler conversation, everyone wants to talk about sex and work. If you think that the "sexual harassment police" are making a bunch of noise over nothing, wait until you hear the stuff I've heard.

I got one call from a woman who worked at a major company, whose service all of us have used at least once. Her boss would throw lascivious looks her way, call her at home, and ask about her sex life. Once he called her at home and it took a few rings before she answered. He asked her why it had taken her so long to answer the phone. Naively, she told him that she had just gotten out of the shower. He asked her if she was wearing a towel, or was she naked? When she asked him why he was calling, he told her, "To see what you're wearing." He asked her, on a regular basis, to have sex with him, and grabbed her ass. When she complained to Human Resources, they transferred the guy for a couple of months before letting him come back to his original job. Final outcome? The asshole sued her for defamation.

Another woman called us because she was going through her computer at work one day, and saw a document with her name on it. Curious, she opened it up. It was a sexual fantasy, violent and explicit, written about her by her boss. She was completely creeped out and mortified. She actually complained immediately, and her company even transferred the guy, but they wouldn't promise that she'd never have to work with him again. They also told her she was lucky that they did anything at all, because there wasn't any proof that he was the one who had written it, even though he was the only other person with access to her computer.

If there's a running theme to sexual harassment cases, it seems to be Porky's meets Bachelor Party. Women who've been harassed at work can look forward to sharing at least a few of these precious moments: walking by to have the boss or a co-worker say, "Mmm . . . mm . . . mmm" and make jacking-off signs with his hands; having a pornographic video played for your work-related pleasure while your co-workers stare at you like sailors; the usual "bitch", "cunt", and "whore" name-calling; not-so-subtle suggestions that you wear short skirts to the office; and my personal favorite, being asked, upon your promotion, if you wore out those kneepads yet. Our former president is also not alone in dropping his pants to show off a hard dick, or in trying to force a co-worker or subordinate to "touch it."

Another thing that men who sexually harass like to do is to take advantage of recent immigrants, undocumented or otherwise. From threatening to tell the authorities about their illegal presence in the country to taking them out on a date and a stroll on the beach during work hours, bosses manage to subject immigrant women to a little bit of everything. For example, there's the woman who called us because her boss kept grabbing her and asking her to undress and have sex with him. Her boss promised that if she did, not only would she get promoted, but he would also give her husband a job. Every single day that she came into work, he'd grab her from behind, and bug her about having sex with him.

As far as the harassers go, there are all types. One woman, in her first job out of college, got assigned to this really old and distinguished executive who was going through a divorce. He bugged her for forever to go out with him, and finally just started describing his favorite sexual acts to her. She finally left the job because even though Human Resources believed her, they weren't willing to move him or get rid of him -- she was the expendable one. I guess young girls are another favorite. One of the women who had been harassed had been harassed by the same guy when she was in her first job, and then years later, when she wound up working for him again. It was one of the things that had always made her so scared to report him -- he'd been a mentor to her in many ways, as long as she didn't reject him. These guys didn't physically endanger the women they harassed. But some men do. They assault their co-workers, or even rape them. Sometimes, especially in blue-collar jobs with physical demands, the guys will manipulate equipment to make sure it backfires on a woman, or won't provide back-up when it's necessary.

Let's not forget that some of these guys aren't just harassers -- they're also stalkers. And because they happen to work with a woman or be her boss, it's that much easier to get personal information, like her telephone number and her address. Some women move to different cities to get away from these guys, and hire lawyers from different cities to throw the stalker/harasser off track.

Sometimes women would call us because they had complained to their boss or to Personnel about being harassed, and instead of finding support, they would end up being called sensitive and hysterical, or they'd get "laid off". I think that's one of the saddest things about this stuff -- I don't know what's worse: the harassment itself, or its aftermath. We did a follow-up survey on women who had called us in the last six months, and most of them still hadn't moved on. They couldn't find a lawyer, or they had let it completely take over their emotional lives, and they were now either bitter or desolate over the whole thing. Some of them said it had taken a toll on their marriages, while others just wanted revenge for the way they had been treated. The saddest part was that no matter what, people either did not believe them, or thought they were overreacting.

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